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Anything Is Not a Topic

When someone claims they'll talk about "anything," are they contributing to the conversation or expecting someone else to carry it? Camille examines the subtle difference between curiosity and convenience, showing how one simple answer can reveal effort, interest, and emotional investment long before a first date.

CONVERSATION & COMPATIBILITY

Honey Badger

7/20/20263 min read

Honey, this one's short, because so was he. Not in height. In effort.

Mister Laid Back opened with "Hello beautiful." Fine. Standard issue, factory settings. I said hello and asked him my easiest question, the one I hand out like a welcome gift. What are your go-to topics for discussion?

Now let me explain why this is the easiest question in my rotation. It's an invitation for a man to talk about HIMSELF. His interests. His passions. The thing he could go on about for an hour if you let him. Men have historically never needed to be asked twice to do this, sis. I have watched men deliver unprompted lectures on transmission fluid. This question is a layup. I basically passed him the ball, lifted him toward the rim, and stepped back.

Thirty-seven minutes later, here comes the answer.

"Im laid back kind of guy I'll talk about anything long as the conversation is intriguing and very interesting."

Sis. Let's dissect this specimen, because there is a whole philosophy of freeloading packed into that one sentence.

First, "anything." Anything is not a topic. Anything is what a man says when he has thought about nothing. If I ask you what you want to eat and you say anything, I already know I'm cooking. Same energy here. "Anything" sounds flexible, but what it actually means is, I have brought no materials to this build site, but I'm happy to watch you work.

Second, and this is the part that made me put my phone down, "long as the conversation is intriguing and very interesting." Sis. That's not an answer, that's a RATING SYSTEM. This man declined to contribute a single subject and then attached quality standards to my future performance. He showed up to a potluck empty-handed with a review card. He's going to talk about anything, as long as the anything I generate, source, research, introduce, and serve is intriguing AND very interesting, two separate criteria, because apparently intriguing alone wasn't going to cut it.

So let's be clear about the job description he just posted. I'm to select the topics. I'm to open the topics. I'm to make the topics fascinating. His contribution to this partnership is that he will be present, reclined, and willing to receive. That's not a conversationalist, sis. That's an audience with a two-drink minimum. He didn't come to dance, he came to judge the routine, and the word he used for all of that was "laid back," which now that I think about it was the most honest word in the message. Laid back. As in reclined. As in horizontal. As in, wake me when it gets good.

And here's the real tell, the reason this tiny exchange earns a whole chapter. He fumbled a question about his own preferences. I didn't ask him to solve anything, define anything, or reveal anything tender. I asked what HE likes to talk about, and the man could not locate a single interest in his own inventory. Not sports, not music, not his mama's cooking, not the weather. A go-to topic requires having gone somewhere, mentally, at least once, and returned with a souvenir. He's never been.

Because a man with actual interests answers that question before you finish asking it. A man without them says "anything," settles into the passenger seat, and waits for you to drive somewhere scenic. And a woman my age, with a magazine to run and interviews to schedule and a play going up in September, is not adding "unpaid conversation programming director" to the resume.

I gave him a thumbs up and let the silence be intriguing.

It was, sir. It was very interesting.

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