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MR. INVALIDATOR

Blog post description.What happens when honesty is met with analysis instead of understanding? Camille explores how vulnerability can be turned into evidence, boundaries reframed as flaws, and psychological language used to invalidate someone's own understanding of their life. A sharp reflection on why sharing your truth doesn't give someone permission to redefine it.

BOUNDARIES & MODERN DATING

Honey Badger

8/6/20263 min read

Look What Happens When You Share Your Truth

by Honeybadger

It started sweet, though not the way I told it before.

He opened with pleasantries. Said he was in the process of buying his first multifamily property, working to get his credit and his debt-to-income ratio right so he could make it happen.

He asked what I do. I told him about the magazine, VeteranExcellence.org, the books I publish, the plays I write, and pointed him to camilledford.com to see the work for himself. He told me he's a Combat Veteran. I asked if he was an entrepreneur too, told him I'd love to interview him for the magazine. He said he's never really opened up about serving. I let that sit. I didn't push.

He was enjoying the conversation. Asked me to call him, sent his number. I told him I don't exchange numbers, that I never respond once I have someone's, the bandwidth isn't there, and people get upset when I go quiet. I keep every conversation inside the app. That's how I compartmentalize.

We talked some about me being on the app at all, and I told him early: I'm not emotionally available to pour into a man right now. I'm too busy. He didn't blink at that. If anything, it seemed to pull him in closer.

Then came a message that made me think he'd actually been listening.

He watched a video I posted and told me he felt something. Said I made him think about things he hadn't processed before. Said if I chose him, he'd choose me every day. Said he could tell I'd been through the ringer and was just ready for someone to choose me. Called me awesome.

"I watched a video you posted and felt this overwhelming calm and passion for people in general. You made me think of things I haven't had to process or think about because it's not something that's really been on my mind like that before. It really gave me a feel for the person that you are, and all I have to say is that if you chose me I would choose you every day. I get the feeling that you've just been through the ringer and you're just ready for someone to choose [My First Name]. You're like me in more ways than you know."

I read that message more than once. Not because I was falling for it, but because I wanted to make sure I was giving him the same honesty he seemed to be offering me.

So, I gave him honesty. Not the polished version, and not the version that makes a woman easy to want, either. The real one.

"As far as my marriage, our divorce is what killed him. His mama had a lot to do with that. I didn't understand PTSD when I met him. I was only 22 years old, and he was 34 with a lottttt of trauma. And he was raised by a narcissist. Both of my sons' fathers are deceased. But my past doesn't have any bearing on my dating. I'm focused on my projects. I'm not emotionally available to give to a man what he needs because I'm focused on my legacy."

Two dead fathers, both my sons'. A husband whose death I still carry weight for. A move happening in a few weeks. A magazine I built from nothing that's about to launch five books. I told him all of it, and I told him the truth underneath it: right now, I don't have the emotional capacity to pour into a man. That's not a wall I built to keep him out. That's vulnerability. That's what it actually looks like to say the hard true thing instead of performing availability I don't feel.

I took the time to write it. Not text-speak, not a voice memo, not a shrug. I sat down and told a man the truth about where I am.

Here's what he sent back.....

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